Facts You Need To Know About Dowry

First, it needs to be made very clear that dowry is not money paid in order for a woman to be sold from her parents to her husband. No! At the same time, it is not a financial transaction that is priced according to the value of the commodity on sale. Otherwise, if you think you paid K50,000,000 ($10,000) as dowry, sorry, that is not even enough to buy certain designs of cars! The amount paid as dowry, in whatever form, is a minute or negligible fraction of what the bride is worth. Therefore, the act of paying dowry is a gesture of seeking authorization from the bride's parents to approve the marriage.

Who should have a say in it?

Traditions around the globe are diverse. But, basically, the paying of dowry or bride price signifies the start of a new family. Therefore, the people getting married should have a say, in one way or another, on the dowry. This makes the negotiating process easier, and convenient. You can do this by ensuring that you communicate with your partner openly, and discuss what you think will be manageable for you in the light of the expectations and common practice in your area. If you are the man going into marriage, save your displays of wealth for later. You will need every penny at some point. Just be real, and open up to your woman so that she can discreetly communicate to her family members about your status. This is your family being born, and you can't achieve anything by pretending and keeping quiet when you notice that the price is too much and you to manage.

How do you settle Dowry payments?
The best approach to the payment of dowry involves paying the full amount charged for your dowry before the marriage starts. This shows respect to the bride's family and gives you the full authority to start your family with the full blessings from both families.

However, in some cases, it may happen that you are not able to pay dowry in full. The middleman or go-between will have a task of talking to the other family with the view of seeking their permission to allow the marriage to start while you continue settling your dowry in installments. This is not usually encouraged as it sometimes brings unwanted complications and avoidable conflicts between the two families if not handled properly. Take care to select the best middleman to represent your interests and provide fatherly guidance. This person must be sharp, mature, dignified and well versed with your traditional norms and customs.

When Should I discuss Dowry with my partner?
This subject should come up when you seriously start planning to get married or as you approach your engagement. But you can get the views through the indirect discussions that you will have from time to time with your partner. Now, when you start discussing this part as a couple, don't leave matters in the mysterious bracket - especially when the two families have started meeting over this matter. Information should discreetly flow between the two of you so that even when there is some tension over dowry, you will silence it in your own way as a couple. After all, when there is a problem, it is you who will pay the price.